Monday…

Wake_Up_Alone_by_Daxy_Daxy

Coffee and a cigarette.

My day begins.

The teenage girl fluffs in front of the mirror,

looking beautiful.

Eyes roll as I tell her so.

The house is falling down around me.

Chaos reigns.

The unemployment line waits for me.

I’ll do that tomorrow.

I wonder what today will bring…

 

 

 

 

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Stella…

 

When Stella lost her mojo,images (2)

the colours turned to gray.

She roamed the streets of Limbo,

she forgot to laugh and play.

Her shed became a hidey hole,

her projects gathered dust.

In that smoke filled room,

Stella sat with her gloom,

and picked holes in herself with disgust.

 

 

Thank you for the first line M8M8. Xx

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Confusion…

Running hot, running cold

keeping me in line.

Ignore me when I speak against,

how dare I undermine…

Days go by with nights alone,

my heart begins to pine…

But I know that underneath it all,

you’ve never thought you’re mine.

I face the facts and let you go,

you see that as the sign,

to turn up full of charm and love,

as though everything is fine.

 

 

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One side ride…

A one sided visit

from a one sided man,

with a one sided dinner

as the one sided plan.

One sided business,

then some one sided pleasure,

throw in one sided snoring

for one sided good measure.

 

 

 

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Sex for one…

 

You say you don’t touch me because you’re lazy.

You aren’t lazy.

I just don’t think I turn you on.

Tonight…

You and me

Spending my day getting everything done

so that I can spend time with you tonight – as planned…

Fine!

 

 

 

 

The sinking feeling in my stomach when you arrive,

only to tell me you “had forgotten that you already had something else planned – sorry…”

 

 

 

 

Putting my walls back up as I acknowledge to myself

Rejected

that you will always cancel on me when something else comes up…

Why bother?…

At the end of the day, when all is said and done,  I still sit here alone.images (6)

I have no real say in our relationship, it’s your way or the highway.

You choose when I see you, you choose what we do.   You choose what we eat and you choose when we go to bed. You choose what program we watch, and you choose what side you sleep on.  You choose our fuck position, hell, you even choose when we fuck.

I won’t bother asking you for sex again – I’ve learnt you leave me hanging.

I won’t bother wearing sexy lingerie for you again – I’ve learnt you don’t notice.

I won’t bother texting you good morning again – I’ve learnt I’ll get no reply.

I won’t bother inviting you for dinner again – I’ve learnt how busy you are.

I’ll try not to feel jealous or insecure again – I’ve learnt that makes you angry.

I won’t bother waiting when you “hope” to get here soon – I’ve learnt “hope” means nope.

I won’t bother giving any more of myself to you.  I’ve learnt I only get crumbs of your life in return.

Walking on eggshells…

One of us gets to choose when we see each other.

One of us doesn’t have to justify anything.images (6)

One of us has the pleasure of being waited on hand and foot.

One of us has sex on tap.

One of us is never wrong.

One of us is always a top priority.

One of us wins an argument with violence.

One of us uses the silent-treatment to punish.

One of us doesn’t realise how close they are to not being one of us anymore.

Words…

In just over 5 months time,

you will try to visit me,images (6)

but I won’t be home.

 

In about 23 weeks,

you will hope to see me,

but you won’t know when that will happen.

 

In roughly 161 days,

you will miss me.9f60ee0784cd754443c0eb6f44c71098

And I’ll tell you that I care.

I can’t help but wonder…

Do you like knowing that I’m stuck here?

Do you like it that I miss you?

Do you like to keep me waiting for you?

Do you like my loneliness?    Do you even notice it?

Do you think about me after you leave?

Do you miss me?

Do you go out of your way to make time for me?

Do you take me for granted?ImageImage