Fools gold…

Lost inside myself.

I can’t find my way

through the dark.

My own worst enemy

leads me on a treasure hunt,

and I follow, blindly,

into a hole of my own making.

Ex marks the spot.

My tainted shovel digs deeply,

exposing only pain

half buried underneath

insincere treasure.

 

 

.

 

 

 

 

Crying solo…

Don’t catch my sorrow,

keep your distance today

tears are contagious,

just stay right away.

I can’t be cheered up

you won’t give me relief,

I want to be by myself.

Alone, with my grief.       .

No you in us…

 

Are we a couple?

Or just less than a few?

Half the time we spend solo,

the rest revolves around you.

Have you misled me on purpose?

Let me think we’re a pair?

Are we some sort of couple?

Where I stand is unclear…

 

 

 

.

 

 

 

 

Consequences…

 

The truth’s coming out,

unprepared for the hurt.

mutual secrets and lies,

angry dishing of dirt.

Jealousy sparking a fire,

in the ashes of fraudulent eyes,

hypocritical accusations

rage war against guilty denies.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

.

My Bryer died…

Many oceans I’ve cried,

since the day my girl died.

My eyes still search for a trace

of her beautiful face.

But I was there at her death,

I heard her very last breath.

And I know that she’s gone

I somehow have to go on…

It’s so unfair I’m still here

when it’s my fault she’s there…

 

Cheers…

 

It’s been a good day

filled with quality hours,

friendships and laughter

warms my heart and empowers.

Getting caught up with living,

I forget simple pleasures…

Good friends and cold beers,

are undeniable treasures.       .

 

 

 

.

Confusion…

Running hot, running cold

keeping me in line.

Ignore me when I speak against,

how dare I undermine…

Days go by with nights alone,

my heart begins to pine…

But I know that underneath it all,

you’ve never thought you’re mine.

I face the facts and let you go,

you see that as the sign,

to turn up full of charm and love,

as though everything is fine.

 

 

.

 

Overblown ego…

The egotistical parade

has come into town,

so high and so mighty

expecting all to bow down.

Wearing self praise

like an arrogant coat,

“Self importance”, the signs say,

on the egotistical float…

 

 

.

Honesty and Tequila …

Half a bottle of Tequila

Half full.

Half empty.

Shots.

Words that needed to be said.

Words were said in no uncertain terms.

Half a bottle of Tequila.

Shot.

 

Two wrongs…

 

My conscience isn’t heavy,

we’re even,

I believe…

Between us we have secrets,

together we deceive.

Suspicious every minute,

our guilt makes us accuse,

green eyed monsters know no reason,

each others trust we both abuse…

 

 

.

My mourning…

Do you see the sadness in my eyes,

or would it come as a surprise

to find out that my heart is hollow,

or how much of my hurt I swallow..?

 

Do you notice my unhappy soul?

Each tear I cry taking it’s toll..

My endless pain is worse each day,

my rock developed feet of clay…

 

The grief I carry haunts my mind

the child’s face, time left behind.

I struggle through another week

with sorrow rolling down my cheek.

 

 

.

 

Once upon a time…

I spoke to my long ago love today.

What a guy…

I saw my long ago love today.

Once the apple of my eye…

I kissed my long ago love today.

Sparks still fly…

 

 

 

 

 

 

.

Once a gain…

Keep me waiting

once again

I’ll take my place in line.

No rush for my sake

once again

priority isn’t mine.

Awkward silence

once again

We’ve got no words to share.

trodden eggshells

once again

constant tension in our air.

 

 

.

One side ride…

A one sided visit

from a one sided man,

with a one sided dinner

as the one sided plan.

One sided business,

then some one sided pleasure,

throw in one sided snoring

for one sided good measure.

 

 

 

.

 

Better late than never…

Hickory dickory dock

Your love was all a crock.

You’ve had your fun,

now we’re dusted and done.

Hickory dickory dock.

 

Huckory duckory dick.

You really are a prick.

I’ve dumped you for good,

like I long ago should.

Huckory, duckory dick.

Fat goodbye…

It’s time for a smoke,

time to relax my mind.

My thoughts are chaotic,

I need to unwind.

He hasn’t been back,

it’s been over a week.

I’m sick of this silence,

I want a man who can speak!

I’ll sit here and smoke

thinking thoughts full of spite.

I’m better off with no bloke,

than one who’s never not right.

 

 

.

Alone…

Detached from his heart,

I’m floating alone.

Everyone so busy with life,

I’m on my own.

force a smile on my dial,

sympathy is not my style.

I’m left alone.

I can’t help hoping you I’ll hear,

but passing days say you don’t care.

I’m on my own.

 

 

.

 

Bomb shell…

From out of nowhere.

Harmonic destruction.

Stunned silence.

Scattered pieces.

Devastation erupts.

Questions surface.

Anger registers.

Sadness sets in.

Aftershocks ripple.

 

 

 

.

Holier than thou…

Gods gift to the world

demands centre stage.

It has to go his way,

or it’s the highway to rage.

 

Stamping his feet

he throws his weight round,

giving lectures for hours

he likes hearing his sound.

 

A well practiced charmer

with the women he chooses,

his affection’s the prize,

it’s his girlfriend who loses.

 

 

.

Silence is golden…

I hate it when you’re angry with me.

Nothing I say makes any difference.

Nothing I say is right.

No matter what,

I am wrong.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

.

Memories of Bryer…

Bryer.

Today I opened a box full of memories

and the first thing I saw

was your beautiful face

smiling up at me…Bryer.

 

 

It’s been two and a half years

since I saw your smile.

How have I survived so long…

when my heart died

with you.

 

 

Choose her…

She demands he doesn’t visit me

She’s laying down the law

She took off her engagement ring

until we’re friends no more.

I’m feeling guilt to be the cause

though no wrong have I done,

she insists he ends all ties with me

but I’m no threat!

She’s his number one.

More of less…

In seventeen years time,

you intend to still be living where you are…

Living how you are.

 

So, where does that leave us?

What if I want to wake beside you every morning?

And share my world…

 

 

Impossible choices…

Complicated heart.

A past love with no full stop in place.

vs

A present love with no desire to lose.

crossroad

It is impossible to choose

between my memories

and my now.

Relaxation…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You’re out in my girl-cave

quietly tinkering with your bike.

I’m sitting back on my bed

listening to MaryJane’s non-stop chatter

She really does chat a lot.. 

And Relaxation is in the air.

Midnight grieving…

It’s the middle of the night

and I just can’t sleep.

Memories keep breaking my heart.

Tears overflowing.

Pain wracking my soul.

No matter what I do,

I can’t stop knowing

that you are gone

forever.

Home detention…

I only have four sleeps to go.

My anklet comes off in 96 hours.

WoW!!

What a year it’s been!!

The judge gave me a sentence of time.

Time to reflect.

Time to grieve.

Time to accept.

I haven’t gone crazy being stuck at home.

My mind is in a better place than this time last year.

I still cry everyday.

But I’ve begun to live everyday again too.

Our routine…

 

Just when things are ticking along nicely

You stand me up…

Your silent reply speaks loudly to me…

I guess our latest honeymoon period is over

and it’s back to normal we go,

hi ho, hi ho, hi ho.

Age gap appropriate

 

My boyfriend is older than me.

Much older.

It doesn’t seem right to even call him my ‘boyfriend’.

His age of 54 gives him a 20 year head start on me.

No, he isn’t a father figure to me.

No, I’m not a gold digger.

Three years down the track, and we still don’t live together

We probably never will.

I have come to terms with that.

I am four years older than his oldest child

He is four years younger than my Dad

Yet somehow we gel together.

 

Our age gap doesn’t exist where it counts.

Hook, line and sinker…

 

You are so charming when you want to be.

My determination not to let you back into my heart

has gone out the window.

I was kidding myself to even think I could deny you.

Acceptance…

I’ve been dreaming about you Baby,

You seem happy and peaceful.

Your hair has grown long, since I last saw you.

You’re full of hugs and smiles towards me.

Does that mean you forgive me?

Is it me that is unable to forgive myself?

 

Sometimes I really believe that I can feel you near me.

But mostly, the emptiness around me is solid and absolute.

Every day I lose more hope

as the reality sets deeper in my heart.

 

I know that only memories and boxes now remain, where you once existed.

You yourself, are forever gone.