Today is a gift…

 

The sun is out

Birds sing their song

Get out of bed

Life must go on.

Pulling myself together…

 

…And so begins a new day.

A day to hold my head high, and thus rescue my pride.

A day to busy my hands, in the hope that my thoughts will busy themselves too.

A day to surround myself with smoke, a coping mechanism.

 

Time flies…

 

Puffing away on a crystal orb,

Searching for the elusive high…

Feet that won’t leave the ground,

Accepting frustration, no sting in sight

I turn away from the bowl….

 

 

Mary-Jane watches my desperate dance,

She smiles, and takes my hand.

We twirl together, in time to the music playing in my head,

tapping our toes to the tune.

Watching the hours wave, on their way pass…

Why bother?…

At the end of the day, when all is said and done,  I still sit here alone.images (6)

I have no real say in our relationship, it’s your way or the highway.

You choose when I see you, you choose what we do.   You choose what we eat and you choose when we go to bed. You choose what program we watch, and you choose what side you sleep on.  You choose our fuck position, hell, you even choose when we fuck.

I won’t bother asking you for sex again – I’ve learnt you leave me hanging.

I won’t bother wearing sexy lingerie for you again – I’ve learnt you don’t notice.

I won’t bother texting you good morning again – I’ve learnt I’ll get no reply.

I won’t bother inviting you for dinner again – I’ve learnt how busy you are.

I’ll try not to feel jealous or insecure again – I’ve learnt that makes you angry.

I won’t bother waiting when you “hope” to get here soon – I’ve learnt “hope” means nope.

I won’t bother giving any more of myself to you.  I’ve learnt I only get crumbs of your life in return.

Walking on eggshells…

One of us gets to choose when we see each other.

One of us doesn’t have to justify anything.images (6)

One of us has the pleasure of being waited on hand and foot.

One of us has sex on tap.

One of us is never wrong.

One of us is always a top priority.

One of us wins an argument with violence.

One of us uses the silent-treatment to punish.

One of us doesn’t realise how close they are to not being one of us anymore.