Bryer…

Bryer.

During a dark today,

I remembered something funny you once said.

And I suddenly laughed.

You’ve been gone more than 7 years,

and today you cheered me up.

Thank you.

Xx

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Unexpected trigger…

I passed a hearse as I was driving home from work last night.   Out of the blue, memories came flooding back…   I remembered your hearse.  It was white; I chose white for your hearse.  It seemed appropriate because you were “still a little girl”…

I remembered that conversation with the funeral home director as I was driving home from work last night, and the tears started pouring out of me.

I cried so hard that the road was blurry.  I heard my sobbing as I was driving along, and I relaxed and cried my heart out.

Before you died, I told you I would cry forever.  But the truth is that I spend most of my time holding the hurt in.  Holding my tears in.  Being strong.  Allowing myself to live somewhere between blocking you from my thoughts, and not forgetting you for a single second.

It’s almost 8 years since you died.  Since I crashed the car that you died in.    My life has gone on, but yours ended that day.

That’s not fair.

I passed a hearse as I was driving home from work last night.

 

 

An unexpected trigger.

6years, 9months…

Almost 7 years without you.

It’s normal now.

Sometimes I wonder

if you were even really real.

My broken heart tells me you were.

I love you so much Bryer.

I miss you constantly.

Love from Mom. Xx

Monday (hindsight)

Shit.

Procrastination.

Nothing to show.

A house half vaccummed,

half the grass had a mow.

Resented by my teenager,

contempt is coming from my man.

I need to shake my focus,

and have faith in who I am.

 

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Little Miss Tuffet…

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Little Miss Tuffet,

needs to learn when to stuff it…

‘backchatting’ won’t win points from me.

I’m glad that she’s fierce,

It’ll help through her years,

but cheekiness, will earn her no tea…

 

 

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Day by day…

Some days

are the worst days,

nothing is ok.

Wallowing in sorrow,

and content to live that way.

 

The good days

well forgotten,

when the hard ones

come to stay.

Some days are the worst days,

the worst day is today.

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Like a stone…

What can I say when the words won’t come?

The pain just sits in my heart like a giant weight,

that keeps on growing…

How do I cry when my tears have dried up?

Emotions are stuck in my throat,

like lumps.

I’ve been strong for so long,

through my grief,

I’ve gone on…

But now I feel cold,

like a stone.

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