I lie…

I tell the world that I’m ok,

a well placed smile hides my lie.

My pain is deeply locked away

till we’re alone, my grief and I.

It’s not myself that I’m deceiving,

to understand you’d have to know….

My childs death I’m always grieving,

my broken heart won’t let me go.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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No matter what…

Baby.

You’re always in my thoughts,

no matter what I’m doing.

I feel you beside me sometimes…

In my wishes.

I hold tight to every single memory I have of you,

Such treasures.

I looked through our photo box yesterday.

Your face smiled up at me the whole time,

until I couldn’t bear it anymore…

I had to put the lid back on.

You.

I remember every freckle on your body

Your body that was so like mine.

I’m so sorry Bryer.

I still cry every day.

I cry for the life you lost.

I cry because I miss you – more than words can express.

I cry for you.

I have to believe I will see you again.

But, until that day comes,

you’ll always be in my thoughts, Baby.

No matter what I’m doing.

 

 

 

.

 

 

 

 

Bereft…

I’ll never get over the day that you left.

A split second in time, caused a life long bereft…

Grief became my companion,

for the rest of my days.

Pain is my shadow,

walking with me,

always.

 

 

 

.

 

Hell…

I’m living life

with half a heart.

Death broke my soul,

I’m torn apart…

My precious girl –

light in my eye,

forever lost,

one cold July.

I’m stuck in Hell,

yet still I breathe…

Condemned to wake each day

and grieve.

 

.

Bryer.

Each morning brings the same heartbreak.

A nightmare that is lived awake.

Split second choice I once did make.

My daughter died from that mistake.

Three years of tears could fill a lake.

The strength you see is all a fake.

If it was them, their “life they’d take”.

But I’ll grow old…  For Bryers sake.

 

 

.

Lost soul…

 

Lost.

The path has blurred.

Busy hands occupying time,

while thoughts wander.

Rebuilding life

around the emptiness

she left behind…

How?

A pipe full of courage

gives the illusion of strength,

while the smoke blows in the wrong direction.

A shattered soul

clings to the numb.

Terrified of a reality

built upon the ashes

of devastation.

Broken hearted,

and lost.

 

 

.

 

A simple pleasure…

Watching the dogs

sprint past

in the cool night air.

Breathing.

The quiet breeze

gently ruffles my hair,

and the darkness

surrounds everything.

Breathing.

Remembering.

I remember that you’re gone.

Like a giant slap in the face,

a freight train smashes into my heart,

and I hear sobbing

deep inside my soul.

 

I’m so sorry Baby.

 

I grit my teeth.

The crushing in my chest

settles into a familiar heavy ache,

and the breeze ruffles harder,

reminding me

not to miss a second

of living.

To bask in every moment of life.

 

On your behalf,

if not my own.

Xx