Stubborn and proud…

Stubborn and proud

is how he looks, lying cold.

A child of 16,

who will never grow old.

A decision was made

in a moment, so brief..

He told his mum that he loved her,

then drowned her in grief…

.

6years, 9months…

Almost 7 years without you.

It’s normal now.

Sometimes I wonder

if you were even really real.

My broken heart tells me you were.

I love you so much Bryer.

I miss you constantly.

Love from Mom. Xx

Goodbyes and highs…

The sun came out this morning,

it was shining from my eyes.

I woke, anticipating,

a fat pocket full of highs.

I’m gonna numb out all the sadness,

I’ll fill my world up with false light.

Ignoring those who judge me…

cos unbroken hearts don’t have that right…

.

Day by day…

Some days

are the worst days,

nothing is ok.

Wallowing in sorrow,

and content to live that way.

 

The good days

well forgotten,

when the hard ones

come to stay.

Some days are the worst days,

the worst day is today.

.

1 year closer to Heaven…

Another year starts without seeing my baby.

She’s another year further away.

Another long year since i last held my baby.

Another year closer to ‘one day’…

 

 

 

 

 

.

 

Happy birthday in Heaven…

Chain smoking and tears

is on my agenda for today.

Happy 16th birthday to my precious daughter.

I wish it was happy.

 

 

 

 

.

I lie…

I tell the world that I’m ok,

a well placed smile hides my lie.

My pain is deeply locked away

till we’re alone, my grief and I.

It’s not myself that I’m deceiving,

to understand you’d have to know….

My childs death I’m always grieving,

my broken heart won’t let me go.

 

 

 

 

 

 

.

 

Bryer.

Each morning brings the same heartbreak.

A nightmare that is lived awake.

Split second choice I once did make.

My daughter died from that mistake.

Three years of tears could fill a lake.

The strength you see is all a fake.

If it was them, their “life they’d take”.

But I’ll grow old…  For Bryers sake.

 

 

.

Crying solo…

Don’t catch my sorrow,

keep your distance today

tears are contagious,

just stay right away.

I can’t be cheered up

you won’t give me relief,

I want to be by myself.

Alone, with my grief.       .

My mourning…

Do you see the sadness in my eyes,

or would it come as a surprise

to find out that my heart is hollow,

or how much of my hurt I swallow..?

 

Do you notice my unhappy soul?

Each tear I cry taking it’s toll..

My endless pain is worse each day,

my rock developed feet of clay…

 

The grief I carry haunts my mind

the child’s face, time left behind.

I struggle through another week

with sorrow rolling down my cheek.

 

 

.

 

Missing my Miss…

I miss you today.

I miss you everyday

but today I can’t numb it.

I’ll keep trying though…

I’ll do anything to escape this pain.

I gave you life.

Then I took it away.

Your life.

I’m so sorry Baby.

Be mad at me.

Be sad at me.

Be anything.

But don’t be gone.

 

 

 

.

 

Lost…

Her lock of hair sits in a box.

My broken heart continues beating.

Life carry’s on, she’s left back in time.

Minutes with her were too fleeting.

Her soul stands beside me

unseen are her tears.

She wishes I’d live without pain.

But my arms want my girl,

my eyes ache for her face.

Every morning the hurt starts again.

Home detention…

I only have four sleeps to go.

My anklet comes off in 96 hours.

WoW!!

What a year it’s been!!

The judge gave me a sentence of time.

Time to reflect.

Time to grieve.

Time to accept.

I haven’t gone crazy being stuck at home.

My mind is in a better place than this time last year.

I still cry everyday.

But I’ve begun to live everyday again too.

Grief…

 

It’s always there.

Even when I’m preoccupied with the task at hand,

the grief is never far.

I’ve become used to the weight of it now.

I’ve learnt how to distract myself from it.

I’ve learnt how to live with the agony.

Most of the time…

It’s always there though.

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