Like a spare prick at a wedding…

The bed shakes harder as your hand goes faster and faster.images (6)

A grand canyon lies between us.

I want us to touch each other.

As though you sense my thought, you move a pillow,

so the grand canyon is now a mountain.

And still the bed shakes.

I’m unsure why you came here – it obviously wasn’t to touch me.

Once upon a time, I would have taken control and simply joined in,

You’ve thrown me off you too many times though.

The rejection still stings me.

So I just twiddle my thumbs instead, hoping you’ll remember me soon.

And still the bed shakes.

Insecurity creeps into my heart, and I’m getting turned off now.

I decide to have my own party for one on my side of the bed…

Your hands pause for a second as you hear my toy start buzzing.

You then realise I’m satisfying myself, and you take offence.

You get dressed and storm off – your cold shoulder on full parade.

I’m glad you’ve gone.You're a prick.

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A hit of insomnia…

Wide awake.

Window staring.images (6)

Scattered thinking.

Overtired.

Hours passing.

Shadows moving.

Buzzing ears.

Toes tapping.

Circle walking.

  • Awake. (avoidingthenothing.wordpress.com)

For old times sake?

It’s now been five nights since I heard from you…    images (6)

I want you to visit tonight..

I want you to fuck me,  then go.

I don’t want to cuddle you.

I don’t want to talk to you.

I don’t want to ask important questions.

 

 

Just like magic…

The last visitor just left.  images (6)

My home is calm and peaceful.

 

Empty beer bottles and dishes as far as the eye can see…

My nose stands in line,   the burn sobers me up.

 

Wham bam….

The mess is now clean.

 

Don’t…  

images (6)Don’t take me for granted.

Don’t ignore me.

Don’t keep me on a shelf.

Don’t think that I need you.

Don’t mistake my love for weakness.

Don’t underestimate my inner strength.

Don’t assume I will always be here.

Tit for tat…

I won’t reply to your texts anymore, because you don’t reply to mine.

Yes, I know it’s childish of me.

I’ve told you so many times how much it annoys me when you ignore me though.

Annoys, upsets, and embarrass’s me.

I pride myself on not being needy, and I know I text you bugger all – once a day on average.

So wtf is your problem with replying?

Once in a blue moon, you surprise me by sending ME a text. . .

Today was one of those blue moons.

I chose not to reply – just to show you how it feels.

I admit that I giggled to myself when you text again an hour later, asking if I got your msg.

Image I chose to ignore that one as well.

Do you feel silly texting someone who doesn’t care enough to reply?

Are you wondering what I could be doing that’s more important than replying to you?

Has it crossed your mind that maybe I don’t mean it when I tell you how important you are to me?

Has it occurred to you that I may have had some sort of disaster?

I know how small I feel when you ignore me…

What do you think now?  How do you feel?

I might be rude, but my manners are not.

I’m high as a kite and can’t stay on track.

There’s so much I could be doing, and I’m trying to do it all…

Sidetracked again…

A trail of mess behind me.

The fire is roaring,  and I’m shedding more and more clothes.

The view is great from up here on the ceiling…

Bouncing around in circles,  floating, flying, twirling.

Eyes watching me from the wall.

Mary-Jane calls me to sit down with her, to sit and twist…

I would be rude not to.

And would I like fries with my order?

Why yes, yes I would.

images (6)