Hindsight…

HindsightAm I lost?

Or am I hiding?…

I don’t know where I’ve gone.

How did I lose the Me I know?

Why did it all go wrong?

I sit alone in silence,

staring blankly through the night.

I try to find my way, by looking back,

the path is clear, through life,

in hindsight.

.

.

Day by day…

Some days

are the worst days,

nothing is ok.

Wallowing in sorrow,

and content to live that way.

 

The good days

well forgotten,

when the hard ones

come to stay.

Some days are the worst days,

the worst day is today.

.

1 year closer to Heaven…

Another year starts without seeing my baby.

She’s another year further away.

Another long year since i last held my baby.

Another year closer to ‘one day’…

 

 

 

 

 

.

 

I lie…

I tell the world that I’m ok,

a well placed smile hides my lie.

My pain is deeply locked away

till we’re alone, my grief and I.

It’s not myself that I’m deceiving,

to understand you’d have to know….

My childs death I’m always grieving,

my broken heart won’t let me go.

 

 

 

 

 

 

.

 

No matter what…

Baby.

You’re always in my thoughts,

no matter what I’m doing.

I feel you beside me sometimes…

In my wishes.

I hold tight to every single memory I have of you,

Such treasures.

I looked through our photo box yesterday.

Your face smiled up at me the whole time,

until I couldn’t bear it anymore…

I had to put the lid back on.

You.

I remember every freckle on your body

Your body that was so like mine.

I’m so sorry Bryer.

I still cry every day.

I cry for the life you lost.

I cry because I miss you – more than words can express.

I cry for you.

I have to believe I will see you again.

But, until that day comes,

you’ll always be in my thoughts, Baby.

No matter what I’m doing.

 

 

 

.

 

 

 

 

Bryer.

Each morning brings the same heartbreak.

A nightmare that is lived awake.

Split second choice I once did make.

My daughter died from that mistake.

Three years of tears could fill a lake.

The strength you see is all a fake.

If it was them, their “life they’d take”.

But I’ll grow old…  For Bryers sake.

 

 

.

Lost soul…

 

Lost.

The path has blurred.

Busy hands occupying time,

while thoughts wander.

Rebuilding life

around the emptiness

she left behind…

How?

A pipe full of courage

gives the illusion of strength,

while the smoke blows in the wrong direction.

A shattered soul

clings to the numb.

Terrified of a reality

built upon the ashes

of devastation.

Broken hearted,

and lost.

 

 

.