Connors outside eating weeds,
Paige is cooking dinner.
Nix drinks gin at lightening speeds,
then starts behaving like a spinner.
The spinner earns a kicking out,
Her welcome overstayed..
She’s a disrespectful, slurring lout,
Who should stick to lemonade.
.
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Defiance.
I’m not sorry at all.
Freeze me out with your coldness.
You’re a big fat brick wall.
〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️
The impact has faded
of being treated with silence.
Sulk all you want,
I’m drunk with defiance.
The Ex with green eyes,
has a sharp ax to grind…
She can’t stand he’s moved on,
and her advances declined.
She’s blinded by rage.
She’s gone crazy with spite.
Their son is her weapon,
and it’s me in her sight.
.
I’m not your girlfriend.
I don’t even rank.
You’re sick of my shit.
Your sex drive is blank.
===================
I’ve lost my backbone.
Just roll over and cry.
I want you to love me.
I want you to try…
.
Mean Janine.
The hypocrisy queen.
She uses their son
as her weapon.
A gangsters has-been,
is Queen Janine.
A DNA test,
quick to threaten.
Once again his mood changes,
right out of the blue.
His contempt for me settles,
He’s the him I first knew.
It’s an emotional cycle.
It’s taking a toll.
It hardens my heart.
It darkens my soul.
.
I just used him for his six pack,
his perfect male bod.
Gave him years of love and tears…
He only saw himself as God.
.
You used to be my rock,
you were my anchor to the ground.
These days you’re still my rock,
you are a weight that holds me down.
You used to be my comfort,
you held me tight when Bryer died.
These days I beg your comfort,
to soothe my battered, broken pride.
You used to give me strength,
during my darkest, weakest time.
These days I waste my strength,
on all the eggshells I must climb.
Enough is enough.
.
A princess of his blood
was crying bitter tears today.
His harsh words cut her deep,
her innocence was pushed away…
So wrapped up in himself,
with ease he tramples on her heart.
Rose coloured glasses disappear,
her self esteem is torn apart.
The lonely princess of his blood
was crying broken tears today.
Her mother held her tight,
but couldn’t take her hurt away.
.
Gods gift to the world
demands centre stage.
It has to go his way,
or it’s the highway to rage.
Stamping his feet
he throws his weight round,
giving lectures for hours
he likes hearing his sound.
A well practiced charmer
with the women he chooses,
his affection’s the prize,
it’s his girlfriend who loses.
.
And so begins my week of disgrace.
My crime?
Too opinionated.
This is the point where I feel like really
(getting smart)
speaking my opinion.
I guess I’m finally learning
to shut my mouth though.
.
The air is thick between us,
the silence is intense.
We fall to pieces over little things,
so quick to take offense.
When you look at me with violent eyes
I know your tempers at it’s peak.
Right on cue you’ll up and leave,
and then ignore me for a week.
It takes a lot of courage to stop the cycle of misery.
Admitting how bad it is, and asking for help isn’t an easy thing.
Pride struggles with accepting support and care from friends.
Questioning yourself weakens determination…
“Where things really as bad as they seemed at the time..?”
Yes.
Things really were that bad.
It’s scary how easy it is to just give up, and return to the cycle.
It takes a lot of courage to break away from the cycle of misery.
I’m so proud of the steps you are taking, my friend.
You are not alone.
Smoke f
ills my brain
dulling my senses.
My emotions are null and void.
I’m now able to hear my head speak 
without the interruption from my heart.
Our time has come.
Its been long enough.
A full stop is on standby,
waiting only for my nod.
What keeps stopping me?
You scare me when we fight.
I stop knowing who you are.
I’ve learnt to still my smart mouth
But that doesn’t get me far.
I’m wrong to disagree with you
no self defense from me.
How dare I walk out of the room
Disrespect is what you see.
You call me names
You mock my tears
You pretend it’s time to hit
You’re thrice my size and much more strong
You scare me out of shit.
Then off you storm in cold hard rage
I’m sobbing out my eyes.
The silent treatment takes the stage
Til I apologize.
Kick me while I’m down
Strip my soul for all to see
Punish me with silence
Use my love for you against me
Teach me not to misbehave
No voicing when I’m sour
Unspoken rules to me you gave
I let you have the power.
People can only treat you how you let them.
![not-a-doormat[1]](https://tonichestnutblog.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/not-a-doormat1.jpg)
I want a lover
NOT a boss
Don’t try to change me.
Stop calling me names.
Quit swearing at me.
I’ve raised my standards
You have to start treating me better.
Or don’t come back.
Bruises on my heart match the ones upon my skin.
Yes, I treated you badly.
The guilt belongs to us both in truth.
You treated me badly too.
Can we move forward from here?
You’ll think about it…
Unsure if I want you to return, or not.
I’m not numb anymore.
Wasted Times. 
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