Unexpected trigger…

I passed a hearse as I was driving home from work last night.   Out of the blue, memories came flooding back…   I remembered your hearse.  It was white; I chose white for your hearse.  It seemed appropriate because you were “still a little girl”…

I remembered that conversation with the funeral home director as I was driving home from work last night, and the tears started pouring out of me.

I cried so hard that the road was blurry.  I heard my sobbing as I was driving along, and I relaxed and cried my heart out.

Before you died, I told you I would cry forever.  But the truth is that I spend most of my time holding the hurt in.  Holding my tears in.  Being strong.  Allowing myself to live somewhere between blocking you from my thoughts, and not forgetting you for a single second.

It’s almost 8 years since you died.  Since I crashed the car that you died in.    My life has gone on, but yours ended that day.

That’s not fair.

I passed a hearse as I was driving home from work last night.

 

 

An unexpected trigger.

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6years, 9months…

Almost 7 years without you.

It’s normal now.

Sometimes I wonder

if you were even really real.

My broken heart tells me you were.

I love you so much Bryer.

I miss you constantly.

Love from Mom. Xx

Stupid…

I swung from the ceiling,

till it all crashed down.

Bang, crash and sawdust,

Red wine, egg, clown.

My sis came and saved me,

She cooked me some food.

Iv been talking her ear off,

She’s been calming my mood.

Rhythm and Blues…

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I’ve lost my rhyme.

The poetry doesn’t flow from my thoughts anymore.

I don’t know why.

I’ve lost my whistle.

There’s only silence from my lips these days.

I don’t know why.

I’ve lost my hum.

No songs are playing in the background my mind…

I don’t know why.

 

 

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Goodbyes and highs…

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The sun came out this morning,

it was shining from my eyes.

I woke, anticipating,

a fat pocket full of highs.

I’m gonna numb out all the sadness,

I’ll fill my world up with false light.

Ignoring those who judge me…

cos unbroken hearts don’t have that right…

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Day by day…

Some days

are the worst days,

nothing is ok.

Wallowing in sorrow,

and content to live that way.

 

The good days

well forgotten,

when the hard ones

come to stay.

Some days are the worst days,

the worst day is today.

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1 year closer to Heaven…

Another year starts without seeing my baby.

She’s another year further away.

Another long year since i last held my baby.

Another year closer to ‘one day’…

 

 

 

 

 

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