Category Archives: smoke

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Monday…

Wake_Up_Alone_by_Daxy_Daxy

Coffee and a cigarette.

My day begins.

The teenage girl fluffs in front of the mirror,

looking beautiful.

Eyes roll as I tell her so.

The house is falling down around me.

Chaos reigns.

The unemployment line waits for me.

I’ll do that tomorrow.

I wonder what today will bring…

 

 

 

 

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Pulling myself together…

 

…And so begins a new day.

A day to hold my head high, and thus rescue my pride.

A day to busy my hands, in the hope that my thoughts will busy themselves too.

A day to surround myself with smoke, a coping mechanism.

 

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Time flies…

 

Puffing away on a crystal orb,

Searching for the elusive high…

Feet that won’t leave the ground,

Accepting frustration, no sting in sight

I turn away from the bowl….

 

 

Mary-Jane watches my desperate dance,

She smiles, and takes my hand.

We twirl together, in time to the music playing in my head,

tapping our toes to the tune.

Watching the hours wave, on their way pass…

         
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Why bother?…

At the end of the day, when all is said and done,  I still sit here alone.images (6)

I have no real say in our relationship, it’s your way or the highway.

You choose when I see you, you choose what we do.   You choose what we eat and you choose when we go to bed. You choose what program we watch, and you choose what side you sleep on.  You choose our fuck position, hell, you even choose when we fuck.

I won’t bother asking you for sex again – I’ve learnt you leave me hanging.

I won’t bother wearing sexy lingerie for you again – I’ve learnt you don’t notice.

I won’t bother texting you good morning again – I’ve learnt I’ll get no reply.

I won’t bother inviting you for dinner again – I’ve learnt how busy you are.

I’ll try not to feel jealous or insecure again – I’ve learnt that makes you angry.

I won’t bother waiting when you “hope” to get here soon – I’ve learnt “hope” means nope.

I won’t bother giving any more of myself to you.  I’ve learnt I only get crumbs of your life in return.

Lonely girl
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Walking on eggshells…

One of us gets to choose when we see each other.

One of us doesn’t have to justify anything.images (6)

One of us has the pleasure of being waited on hand and foot.

One of us has sex on tap.

One of us is never wrong.

One of us is always a top priority.

One of us wins an argument with violence.

One of us uses the silent-treatment to punish.

One of us doesn’t realise how close they are to not being one of us anymore.

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Back to basics…

Another night in by myself.images (6)

Mary-Jane and I sit quietly together,

holding hands.

Smoke drifts through the air,

and the room fills with peace.

My body calms, and my thoughts relax, peacefully.

Chocolate calls my name.

My soul sighs with deep relief,

as I head off to bed with a smile.

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I might be rude, but my manners are not.

I’m high as a kite and can’t stay on track.

There’s so much I could be doing, and I’m trying to do it all…

Sidetracked again…

A trail of mess behind me.

The fire is roaring,  and I’m shedding more and more clothes.

The view is great from up here on the ceiling…

Bouncing around in circles,  floating, flying, twirling.

Eyes watching me from the wall.

Mary-Jane calls me to sit down with her, to sit and twist…

I would be rude not to.

And would I like fries with my order?

Why yes, yes I would.

images (6)

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White noise…

There’s nothing I detest more, than a guest who ignores my “It’s time for you to go” vibe.

I’m a polite person by nature, I don’t like to hurt feelings, but OMG, sometimes I literally have to bite my tongue to prevent myself from screaming  at said guest to “Fuck off!!”

Tonight it took me two & a half hours to get one particular repeat-offender-overstaying visitor out the door, I even went so far as to blatantly stop listening to her, and buried my nose in my beloved laptop instead.  Still she babbled on – about absolutely nothing of interest either, I might add.  I must strike her as someone who cares about what time her cat came inside yesterday afternoon, or what some random bloke at some random gas station was eating…     Is it my hair?  Or do I sit in a certain “bore-me-to-death” kind of way?

I’m the type of person who can appreciate the art of a comfortable silence, its a precious thing to be able to share.    Tonight I can honestly say that my ears are still ringing from her constant white-noise chatter.

Only a lovely smoke will make me feel better at this stage…ImageOhhh yeah…  My world is peaceful once more.

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Mary-Jane.

It’s the end of my day,  I need to relax. . .   I roll myself a smoke & disappear out to my porch-swing.   The moon is full & stars are out in full force – shining like the beloved memories of loved ones, high above the earth.   I light my smoke & have a deep drag on it, blowing it out again, watching the smoke drift towards heaven.  Another drag, & then another. . .   Oh yes, the stress’s from my day are fading away.   I’m smiling over random thoughts that make no sense at all.   I stretch & yawn.  I’ve had enough of my smoke now, it’s time to go back inside & curl up so I can think my peaceful, mellow thoughts alone.   My eyes will close soon, allowing my mind to open up to the worldImage of the sleeping thinkers.