Stacey’s Brain is full of worms.
Her nasty mouth
spits verbal germs.
She’s “the only one whose right”.
To disagree will start a fight.
Too much time is on her hands,
bone idle, bludging, food demands.
A closet bag, she sits and fries,
“Iv got manners” and other lies.
Stacey’s brain is full of rot,
offending every friend she’s got.
.
I wish we had elastic walls.
The space we’d have is plenty.
No clutter everywhere I look,
Perhaps a guest room, sometimes empty.
I wish we had elastic walls,
I’d love to have a craft space.
No projects piled underfoot,
No projects piled out of place.
We haven’t got elastic walls.
Our house is bursting at the seams.
Clutter piled everywhere.
It’s even piled in my dreams…
I feel awkward again.
Invisible, and small.
You turn me into a stranger,
I don’t belong with you all.
From pedastal to shelf,
It’s a long way to fall.
Now I’m gathering dust.
I’m invisible, and small.
Once again his mood changes,
right out of the blue.
His contempt for me settles,
He’s the him I first knew.
It’s an emotional cycle.
It’s taking a toll.
It hardens my heart.
It darkens my soul.
.
I swung from the ceiling,
till it all crashed down.
Bang, crash and sawdust,
Red wine, egg, clown.
My sis came and saved me,
She cooked me some food.
Iv been talking her ear off,
She’s been calming my mood.
I’m sleeping over,
Iv been run out of home.
It’s the doghouse for me,
My friends spare bed’s on loan.
I can’t shut my mouth,
I have opinions to say.
So I’m back in his bad books,
And sent on my way.
I’m happy to look after you.
But don’t take it for granted.
I’m feeling insignificant,
a loving word is all I need.
He’s far to hard to give me that,
And my insecurities breed…
Over-thinking holds me hostage,
there’s no mercy on myself.
A loving word from him is all I need,
To soothe my mental health.
.
Shy all day.
For a puff she will stay,
but her company doesn’t come cheap…
She’s vain,
and she’s shallow,
an athletic bedfellow.
She’s all yours,
til yv only got sleep…
.
I just used him for his six pack,
his perfect male bod.
Gave him years of love and tears…
He only saw himself as God.
.
An emotional pendulum.
Swings high, and low.
A back and forth rhythm,
has a turbulent flow.
You hear musical laughter,
til a breeze rocks the boat…
And in the blink of an eye,
she’ll rip out your throat.
.
The Bandwagon’s in town,
the prey is your purse.
Nobody is safe,
from hysterias curse.
You can scrub all you like,
you won’t get the “all clear”,
cos the Vultures get rich,
off the campaigns of smear.
.
“Look at me! Look at me!”
The gangster does yell.
The social media Queen,
an Angel’s roommate in Hell.
The world needs to know her,
all must know she exists…
She’s loud and proud of her work,
and the Angel’s at risk.
.
Am I lost?
Or am I hiding?…
I don’t know where I’ve gone.
How did I lose the Me I know?
Why did it all go wrong?
I sit alone in silence,
staring blankly through the night.
I try to find my way, by looking back,
the path is clear, through life,
in hindsight.
.
.
Her visit to my dreams that night,
bestowed a treasured gift.
She saw my eyes had lost their light,
downhill my life did drift.
“I love you mum,
please carry on, and live the life I can’t.
I love you still and always will,
forgiveness, you must grant”.
I drove the car that crashed that day,
the accident was mine.
My precious daughter lost her life,
to forgive is too divine.
“My Darling girl,
your life I took, that fact will always be.
But I’ll live for you, if one more time,
you’ll put your arms around me…” .
She threw her arms around my neck,
she held me close and tight.
She whispered love,
and wiped my tears…
She sat with me all night.
When morning came, I woke alone,
she didn’t answer to my cries.
But the mirror showed the gift she left…
A light was in my eyes.
.
Puffing the day away.
Songs out of tune.
Head in the clouds.
A high afternoon.
Dance around solo.
Skip to no beat.
Wasting the moment.
Smoking a treat.
.
A long ago friend
who went right off the rail
made a few bad decisions
and wound up in jail.
Years have gone by
since we had any ties,
tonight the phone rang
with a delightful surprise.
Hes earned back his freedom
by serving his time
By far alot wiser
about dancing with crime.
I look forward to a visit
from my long ago mate,
We’ll reminisce on the old days
I can’t bloody wait.
Twinkle twinkle like a star,
how I wonder what you are.
I see you shining through the night,
a sparkling drone in unmanned flight.
Twinkle twinkle sergeant droid
I hope I’m simply paranoid…
Peer out through the curtains
watch up and down the street,
walk around on tip toes
‘cos everyone’s asleep.
Puff away quite cheerfully
nobody here to share,
spend hours at the window
stuck in a late-night stare.
I struggle some days.
My burdens are heavy,
and I struggle.
Some days I just want to be numb.
Who has the right to judge how I cope?
If you lay down with dogs, you’ll wake up with fleas.
My lifestyle attracts lowlifes
like moths to a flame.
They hang around like bad smells,
waiting for a hit
eyes always looking for an earn.
The horse rides these people
they all have a price.
To associate with them
is to be a sitting duck.
Having a beer with my X-husband.
The father of my daughters.
Reminiscing.
Good times. Bad times.
The knot we tied is far behind us.
The spark is long gone.
Friendship is delicate,
but as our creation beams up at us
with a smile, more precious than gold…
Our efforts double
determined to get along like houses on fire
for our beloved offspring.
It is better to remain silent
and be thought a fool,
than to open your mouth
and remove all doubt.
I sit here on a shelf
in my own company
thinking thoughts of the anger
boiling
hidden inside me.
Mary-Jane blows a kiss
through the walls of my stare,
she releases my thinking
and I find myself
here.
“I’m so sorry I cheated, I was drunk…”
“I didn’t mean to hurt you, I was too high to know what I was doing…”
“I only took the money because I needed to get high…”
“I promise I’ll give up tomorrow…”
What a crock of shit.
Liars, cheaters, thieves and abusers give drugs and alcohol a bad name.
“You’re so strong Toni”. 
I hear that all the time.
The truth is,
I’m not strong.
I am numb.
Being numb means I don’t have to feel the pain.
That isn’t strong.
Today I left some dishes dirty,
the bed got made around two-thirty.
The washing from the day before
is staring at me from the floor.
For shame o lazy one you say,
and just what did you do today?
What did I do today, you ask?
Not much that shows, I guess thats right,
but I was busy all day, and half the night.
Visitors came, and visitors went,
All well satisfied with the money they spent.
I was run off my feet, not once did I blob,
I don’t work as a maid! I sell for a job!
A pile of cash now sits in the tin,
So clean up yourself, or bear it and grin.
Doing business with a guy I’m not too sure of…
Intuition?
Or paranoia?
Money talks.
Prison whispers…
There’s enough to go around
until someone gets greedy.
It’s all downhill from there.
Mary-Jane hot boxes my bedroom,
with Shroom powder sprinkled in…
My mellow smile turns into a super grin.
Fast movements speed past in slow motion.
A blur settles around the edge of my vision.
There’s a good feeling in my stomach
That matches the one in my cheeks.
Another mixed-up-Mary success.
It’s now been five nights since I heard from you… 
I want you to visit tonight..
I want you to fuck me, then go.
I don’t want to cuddle you.
I don’t want to talk to you.
I don’t want to ask important questions.
I’m not numb anymore.
Eating chocolate
and watching porn,
without you.
Starfishing
across my bed,
without you.
Feeling playful
and getting horny,
without you.
Letting go
and getting off,
without you.
Turn the light off
and snuggle down,
without you.
I miss you.
I fell in love with a slug.
What a mug!
You’re nickname is Thug,
I thought you were my hug drug.
Now I’m pulling the plug,
Goodbye, cheating bug.
I sit on a perch in my gilded cage,
thinking cracked thoughts about us.
I’m halfway there, till the end of the year,
when I’ll arrive unannounced, if I must.
The last visitor just left.
My home is calm and peaceful.
Empty beer bottles and dishes as far as the eye can see…
My nose stands in line, the burn sobers me up.
Wham bam….
The mess is now clean.
The fire is roaring, and my nostril is raw.
You’re reading the newspaper,
and I’m quietly checking out your ass…
I spend a lot of time looking at that ass of yours,
and sometimes, when you’re bending over in front of me,
I think you know that…
Don’t take me for granted.
Don’t ignore me.
Don’t keep me on a shelf.
Don’t think that I need you.
Don’t mistake my love for weakness.
Don’t underestimate my inner strength.
Don’t assume I will always be here.
I won’t reply to your texts anymore, because you don’t reply to mine.
Yes, I know it’s childish of me.
I’ve told you so many times how much it annoys me when you ignore me though.
Annoys, upsets, and embarrass’s me.
I pride myself on not being needy, and I know I text you bugger all – once a day on average.
So wtf is your problem with replying?
Once in a blue moon, you surprise me by sending ME a text. . .
Today was one of those blue moons.
I chose not to reply – just to show you how it feels.
I admit that I giggled to myself when you text again an hour later, asking if I got your msg.
I chose to ignore that one as well.
Do you feel silly texting someone who doesn’t care enough to reply?
Are you wondering what I could be doing that’s more important than replying to you?
Has it crossed your mind that maybe I don’t mean it when I tell you how important you are to me?
Has it occurred to you that I may have had some sort of disaster?
I know how small I feel when you ignore me…
What do you think now? How do you feel?
I’m high as a kite and can’t stay on track.
There’s so much I could be doing, and I’m trying to do it all…
Sidetracked again…
A trail of mess behind me.
The fire is roaring, and I’m shedding more and more clothes.
The view is great from up here on the ceiling…
Bouncing around in circles, floating, flying, twirling.
Eyes watching me from the wall.
Mary-Jane calls me to sit down with her, to sit and twist…
I would be rude not to.
And would I like fries with my order?
Why yes, yes I would.
The best thing i can do, is have a beer, and a snort.
The thrill isn’t thrilling.
I’m not feeling a buzz.
I’m sick of you trying to rip me off.
I hate the shit that surrounds you – the people aren’t real.
I can tell you’ve been cut, and you won’t ever heal.
Your murderers should be shot.
I hate what people will do for you.
They’ll do it for me, but because of you too.
I like monkey shadows, and the noise in my ear,
the pole dancing pig with her laugh that I hear…
Down deep in my heart, the truth I do know,
I need a small break, but I don’t want to let go…
Once in a blue moon you surprise me with a text.
A chick I know has just turned up on my doorstep – says she’s “broken up with her boyfriend (she says that weekly) and can she “please Nike a bag to celebrate?”…
I guess now she’ll wish she hadn’t fucked me around those times in the past… Besides, I told her last time, when I finally tracked her down, that it wouldn’t happen again… And I meant it.
C.U.N.T !! 
Cash up no tick.
It’s a cold sunny morning here and I’m craving delicious homemade crab-apple jam on toast .
I’ve got a busy day ahead, and the little bag on my dresser waits patiently while I eat…
I’m ready to get cracking now, and my nose tingles with anticipation.
…and UP she goes .. Owww Oww… OUCH!!
I feel the effect immediately – What a rush!!!
My toes start tapping while my nose runs.
M
y head is Crystal clear.
There’s nothing I detest more, than a guest who ignores my “It’s time for you to go” vibe.
I’m a polite person by nature, I don’t like to hurt feelings, but OMG, sometimes I literally have to bite my tongue to prevent myself from screaming at said guest to “Fuck off!!”
Tonight it took me two & a half hours to get one particular repeat-offender-overstaying visitor out the door, I even went so far as to blatantly stop listening to her, and buried my nose in my beloved laptop instead. Still she babbled on – about absolutely nothing of interest either, I might add. I must strike her as someone who cares about what time her cat came inside yesterday afternoon, or what some random bloke at some random gas station was eating… Is it my hair? Or do I sit in a certain “bore-me-to-death” kind of way?
I’m the type of person who can appreciate the art of a comfortable silence, its a precious thing to be able to share. Tonight I can honestly say that my ears are still ringing from her constant white-noise chatter.
Only a lovely smoke will make me feel better at this stage…
Ohhh yeah… My world is peaceful once more.
Tears fall from my eyes and my nose feels like it was on fire. I love the sting. I crave the sting.
I need to tidy up the kitchen – put all the dishes away & wipe the cupboards out. Hell, I might as well wipe the fridge out as well. I’m full of energy and I make my way to the kitchen (sublime blaring from the sterio) I start dancing my way thru the cleaning. . .
Abracadabra, my kitchen is sparkling .
Wasted Times. 
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