Connors outside eating weeds,
Paige is cooking dinner.
Nix drinks gin at lightening speeds,
then starts behaving like a spinner.
The spinner earns a kicking out,
Her welcome overstayed..
She’s a disrespectful, slurring lout,
Who should stick to lemonade.
.
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The widow cries…
“I’m doing fine”
she lies…
The clothes he wore
half packed,
half scattered on the floor…
Being strong is hard today…
Yesterday,
she did ok.
Do some dishes, Jack.
Don’t put it down,
put it back!
The television’s wearing out
running 24/7 …
or thereabouts,
Get off your ass
and do your share.
Stop being so lazy,
it’s fucken unfair.
.
Here she goes again,
With the sympathy cry
“Poor me, life’s hard,
I’m a victim, Got a fry…?”
Crocodile tears
and a dropped bottom lip,
she blabs everyone’s business
with a big shoulder chip.
The self pity goes on
like a record that’s stuck.
The pick-pocket liar
crying
“Why does life suck…”
.
Blessed are those
who can laugh at themselves.
For they shall never cease
to be amused…
.
He’s made up his mind.
He doesn’t want help
of the medical kind.
He’s ready to rest.
His eyes say goodbye.
He won’t take his pills
He’s ready to die.
A colourful life
Lived hard everyday.
He’s exhausted now.
He’s just fading away.
A sick baby girl.
Her light’s growing dim.
Medical treatment
boost her chances to slim.
Fight, baby girl!
We’ll fight this together.
Betty and the Jets…
You’re the goodest girl ever.
I like my knives and forks to be tidy
inside the knives and forks drawer.
Organised.
My coffee cups matter too.
Upside down on the shelf
facing the same direction.
Strictly
I never mix my peg colours.
They have to match each other.
These things feel important to me.
Being an adult is much less exciting than I thought it was going to be…
I
I may be a bit drunk,
but that doesn’t mean
you aren’t an asshole…
“I’m happy”
you say.
I’m pretty happy too…
.
A basket full of sour grapes,
she gave, to my surprise.
And though her smile stayed in place,
it didn’t reach her eyes…
Stubborn and proud
is how he looks, lying cold.
A child of 16,
who will never grow old.
A decision was made
in a moment, so brief..
He told his mum that he loved her,
then drowned her in grief…
.
A midnight visit,
with a bottle of beer.
Interrupted sleep,
reminds my friend that I care…
.
A comfortable silence
is a compliment.
.
You talk so much
while you’re draining my energy.
I often go away now.
I leave for days & nights.
I don’t bother staying home,
Cos on my own there’s zero fights.
She died on the 20th of November.
You replaced her 4 days later.
I love you less now.
Stacey’s Brain is full of worms.
Her nasty mouth
spits verbal germs.
She’s “the only one whose right”.
To disagree will start a fight.
Too much time is on her hands,
bone idle, bludging, food demands.
A closet bag, she sits and fries,
“Iv got manners” and other lies.
Stacey’s brain is full of rot,
offending every friend she’s got.
.
The End whispers.
Shadows pace the corridor
where tears huddle
on the freshly buffed floor.
Waiting…
A Heart counts the minutes,
and machines beep in time to that beat.
All the while memories dance,
on the edge of peripheral sight.
Fore sight. Hind sight.
Defiance.
I’m not sorry at all.
Freeze me out with your coldness.
You’re a big fat brick wall.
〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️
The impact has faded
of being treated with silence.
Sulk all you want,
I’m drunk with defiance.
I’m looking for some greener grass.
A man who’ll get up off his ass,
and cook some tea on my work day.
Or fold the washing, and put away.
The vacuum cleaner doesn’t bite,
I’m sick of vacuuming at night.
Your laziness does not impress.
I don’t like living in your mess!
The mood swing King
What’s wrong today?
What did I say or do?
What should I do or say?
I can’t read minds,
And only silence I hear.
I don’t enjoy living
In tension filled air.
Dramatic Miss Chriss
can’t handle her piss.
Attention is what she most craves.
Big tantrums & tears
after just a few beers.
Without fail,
is how she behaves.
.
Little Miss Chriss 
should give up the piss.
Alcohol isn’t her friend.
After two or three beers,
she’ll turn on the tears…
It’s a performance, I don’t recommend.
.
An alien environment
is where I now belong.
A nose cut off to spite a face,
too proud to right the wrong.
.
I wish we had elastic walls.
The space we’d have is plenty.
No clutter everywhere I look,
Perhaps a guest room, sometimes empty.
I wish we had elastic walls,
I’d love to have a craft space.
No projects piled underfoot,
No projects piled out of place.
We haven’t got elastic walls.
Our house is bursting at the seams.
Clutter piled everywhere.
It’s even piled in my dreams…
Another domestic.
Another fight.
He’s never wrong,
and she’s never right.
Teenager jumps in,
the intent is as saviour…
But it’s fuel to the fire,
of bad behaviour… 
.
During a dark today,
I remembered something funny you once said.
And I suddenly laughed.
You’ve been gone more than 7 years,
and today you cheered me up.
Thank you.
Xx
.
The Ex with green eyes,
has a sharp ax to grind…
She can’t stand he’s moved on,
and her advances declined.
She’s blinded by rage.
She’s gone crazy with spite.
Their son is her weapon,
and it’s me in her sight.
.
I passed a hearse as I was driving home from work last night. Out of the blue, memories came flooding back… I remembered your hearse. It was white; I chose white for your hearse. It seemed appropriate because you were “still a little girl”…
I remembered that conversation with the funeral home director as I was driving home from work last night, and the tears started pouring out of me.
I cried so hard that the road was blurry. I heard my sobbing as I was driving along, and I relaxed and cried my heart out.
Before you died, I told you I would cry forever. But the truth is that I spend most of my time holding the hurt in. Holding my tears in. Being strong. Allowing myself to live somewhere between blocking you from my thoughts, and not forgetting you for a single second.
It’s almost 8 years since you died. Since I crashed the car that you died in. My life has gone on, but yours ended that day.
That’s not fair.
I passed a hearse as I was driving home from work last night.
An unexpected trigger.
I feel awkward again.
Invisible, and small.
You turn me into a stranger,
I don’t belong with you all.
From pedastal to shelf,
It’s a long way to fall.
Now I’m gathering dust.
I’m invisible, and small.
You give me 1 loving word,
and I’m under your thumb.
I’ll bend over backwards,
for 1 loving crumb.
Our routine’s well practiced.
We both know our role.
You can treat me so coldly,
then 1 word warms my soul.
.
I’m not your girlfriend.
I don’t even rank.
You’re sick of my shit.
Your sex drive is blank.
===================
I’ve lost my backbone.
Just roll over and cry.
I want you to love me.
I want you to try…
.
Anger.
Red hot.
Shaking hands.
Burning thoughts.
Bitter words.
A little bit of honesty,
helps trust begin to flow.
Ignorance ain’t always bliss,
My gut knows something I don’t know…
I’m not a jealous person,
but seeds of secrecy will grow.
Thank you for your honesty.
The gift of truth you did bestow.
.
Red wine & smoking,
a mellow night with my friend.
Memory lane stalking,
with a Mary-Jane blend.
.
Mean Janine.
The hypocrisy queen.
She uses their son
as her weapon.
A gangsters has-been,
is Queen Janine.
A DNA test,
quick to threaten.
I’m not here to be your servant.
I’m not here to be your mum.
We’re supposed to be a couple.
I need affection
.
Almost 7 years without you.
It’s normal now.
Sometimes I wonder
if you were even really real.
My broken heart tells me you were.
I love you so much Bryer.
I miss you constantly.
Love from Mom. Xx
Once again his mood changes,
right out of the blue.
His contempt for me settles,
He’s the him I first knew.
It’s an emotional cycle.
It’s taking a toll.
It hardens my heart.
It darkens my soul.
.
I swung from the ceiling,
till it all crashed down.
Bang, crash and sawdust,
Red wine, egg, clown.
My sis came and saved me,
She cooked me some food.
Iv been talking her ear off,
She’s been calming my mood.
I’m sleeping over,
Iv been run out of home.
It’s the doghouse for me,
My friends spare bed’s on loan.
I can’t shut my mouth,
I have opinions to say.
So I’m back in his bad books,
And sent on my way.
The Angel digs his heels in,
and runs off with his brothers.
Left behind, I do not mind,
This time away from others.
My temper’s blown over.
The air is calm and clear.
When the Angel’s finished running,
he’ll come home,
and I’ll be here.
The lounge is messy,
no kitchen gleams.
Lazy is ok,
it seems.
No help is offered,
She gets no pay.
Ain’t tidying up.
Not today.
How would I know?
When you don’t tell me…
I’m happy to look after you.
But don’t take it for granted.
I have begun to hate you…
The way you sit on your high horse,
thinking you’re without fault,
while everyone around you competes for the best position
to kiss your fat ass.
I have begun to hate you…
Your slobbish, and grotty habits,
that make it a full time, despicable job,
for which you practically need a team of cleaners
attached to your heels
every minute of every day and night,
merely to keep the place clean-ish.
I have begun to hate you…
The snide remarks about me to (the constant stream of) visitors,
designed to make everybody laugh,
while a tiny bit more of my self esteem
shrivels up and abandons me.
I have begun to hate you.
I hate living here,
With my man, who doesn’t care.
I tell him when I’m mad,
He behaves as though I’m bad.
Have I had enough yet?
I’m feeling insignificant,
a loving word is all I need.
He’s far to hard to give me that,
And my insecurities breed…
Over-thinking holds me hostage,
there’s no mercy on myself.
A loving word from him is all I need,
To soothe my mental health.
.
Shy all day.
For a puff she will stay,
but her company doesn’t come cheap…
She’s vain,
and she’s shallow,
an athletic bedfellow.
She’s all yours,
til yv only got sleep…
.
Threats are made.
Promises broken.
In the heat of the moment,
cruel words are spoken.
Tears are shed,
The anger is loud.
It’s time to make up,
but we’re both too proud.
.
I just used him for his six pack,
his perfect male bod.
Gave him years of love and tears…
He only saw himself as God.
.
I’ve lost my rhyme.
The poetry doesn’t flow from my thoughts anymore.
I don’t know why.
I’ve lost my whistle.
There’s only silence from my lips these days.
I don’t know why.
I’ve lost my hum.
No songs are playing in the background my mind…
I don’t know why.
.
It was nice to catch up with some friends.
Dinner and beers.
A few games of darts.
It was nice when the last one left.
Calm and quiet.
Curling up in bed with my Jem.
It’s nice.
.
My get up and go,
has got up and gone.
.
An emotional pendulum.
Swings high, and low.
A back and forth rhythm,
has a turbulent flow.
You hear musical laughter,
til a breeze rocks the boat…
And in the blink of an eye,
she’ll rip out your throat.
.
The Bandwagon’s in town,
the prey is your purse.
Nobody is safe,
from hysterias curse.
You can scrub all you like,
you won’t get the “all clear”,
cos the Vultures get rich,
off the campaigns of smear.
.
“Look at me! Look at me!”
The gangster does yell.
The social media Queen,
an Angel’s roommate in Hell.
The world needs to know her,
all must know she exists…
She’s loud and proud of her work,
and the Angel’s at risk.
.
Exclusive?
Don’t lie.
I see more than you know.
You can’t keep your pants up,
your dick runs the show.
I’m disappointed.
I’m hurt.
I thought you were strong.
But you’re nothing so special.
About you, I was wrong.
.
Procrastination.
Nothing to show.
A house half vaccummed,
half the grass had a mow.
Resented by my teenager,
contempt is coming from my man.
I need to shake my focus,
and have faith in who I am.
.
Coffee and a cigarette.
My day begins.
The teenage girl fluffs in front of the mirror,
looking beautiful.
Eyes roll as I tell her so.
The house is falling down around me.
Chaos reigns.
The unemployment line waits for me.
I’ll do that tomorrow.
I wonder what today will bring…
.
When Stella lost her mojo,
the colours turned to gray.
She roamed the streets of Limbo,
she forgot to laugh and play.
Her shed became a hidey hole,
her projects gathered dust.
In that smoke filled room,
Stella sat with her gloom,
and picked holes in herself with disgust.
Thank you for the first line M8M8. Xx
.
It’s the end of an era,
in more ways than one.
A career, a companion,
added up, equals none.
I’m sitting alone,
while you snore in my bed.
Next time I crave conversation,
I’ll phone a chatline instead.
.
Little Miss Tuffet,
needs to learn when to stuff it…
‘backchatting’ won’t win points from me.
I’m glad that she’s fierce,
It’ll help through her years,
but cheekiness, will earn her no tea…
.
Jack be humble,
Jack get fit…
Jack, you’ve turned into an arrogant prick!
.
Mary, Mary, quite contrary,
how does your nose not grow?
It’s fabrications you tell,
plain deceit that you sell…
Truth always comes out,
don’t you know…
.
I’m not asking for forgiveness.
I stand by what is done.
Don’t wait for an apology,
I won’t be giving one.
I asked to face our troubles,
to compromise and share.
Silence was your answer.
No single word of care.
I’m sorry this has happened.
I’m sad we’ve lost our flame.
But you misunderstand me,
I’m not fully to blame.
.
Am I lost?
Or am I hiding?…
I don’t know where I’ve gone.
How did I lose the Me I know?
Why did it all go wrong?
I sit alone in silence,
staring blankly through the night.
I try to find my way, by looking back,
the path is clear, through life,
in hindsight.
.
.
You run me down behind my back,
and think that I don’t hear.
You’re living in the world of crack,
there’s no ‘forever’ there.
Clever only lasts so long,
then cockiness sets in.
Canary’s live to sing a song,
and luck always wears thin.
.
Her visit to my dreams that night,
bestowed a treasured gift.
She saw my eyes had lost their light,
downhill my life did drift.
“I love you mum,
please carry on, and live the life I can’t.
I love you still and always will,
forgiveness, you must grant”.
I drove the car that crashed that day,
the accident was mine.
My precious daughter lost her life,
to forgive is too divine.
“My Darling girl,
your life I took, that fact will always be.
But I’ll live for you, if one more time,
you’ll put your arms around me…” .
She threw her arms around my neck,
she held me close and tight.
She whispered love,
and wiped my tears…
She sat with me all night.
When morning came, I woke alone,
she didn’t answer to my cries.
But the mirror showed the gift she left…
A light was in my eyes.
.
Something doesn’t feel alright,
it’s nagging at my mind.
Although I tell myself I trust you,
my intuition isn’t blind.
I can’t quite grasp that something,
it hovers just outside my touch…
to look for trouble means I’ll find it,
underneath the straws I’ll clutch.
I’m tarred with a familiar brush,
the gossip mill runs riot.
My history isn’t in the past,
backstabbing isn’t quiet.
.
Foot in mouth disease.
I tend to catch it with ease.
Once again I’ve been taught
to shut up til I’ve thought.
on this subject,
I’ve some expertise.
.
The sun came out this morning,
it was shining from my eyes.
I woke, anticipating,
a fat pocket full of highs.
I’m gonna numb out all the sadness,
I’ll fill my world up with false light.
Ignoring those who judge me…
cos unbroken hearts don’t have that right…
.
Some days
are the worst days,
nothing is ok.
Wallowing in sorrow,
and content to live that way.
The good days
well forgotten,
when the hard ones
come to stay.
Some days are the worst days,
the worst day is today.
.
Thoughts are deep,
with Mary-Jane.
Silent noise
could wake the dead..
.
What can I say when the words won’t come?
The pain just sits in my heart like a giant weight,
that keeps on growing…
How do I cry when my tears have dried up?
Emotions are stuck in my throat,
like lumps.
I’ve been strong for so long,
through my grief,
I’ve gone on…
But now I feel cold,
like a stone.
.
Another year starts without seeing my baby.
She’s another year further away.
Another long year since i last held my baby.
Another year closer to ‘one day’…
.
You used to be my rock,
you were my anchor to the ground.
These days you’re still my rock,
you are a weight that holds me down.
You used to be my comfort,
you held me tight when Bryer died.
These days I beg your comfort,
to soothe my battered, broken pride.
You used to give me strength,
during my darkest, weakest time.
These days I waste my strength,
on all the eggshells I must climb.
Enough is enough.
.
Bottomless eyes
.
Chain smoking and tears
is on my agenda for today.
Happy 16th birthday to my precious daughter.
I wish it was happy.
.
I tell the world that I’m ok,
a well placed smile hides my lie.
My pain is deeply locked away
till we’re alone, my grief and I.
It’s not myself that I’m deceiving,
to understand you’d have to know….
My childs death I’m always grieving,
my broken heart won’t let me go.
.
The view from rock bottom is grey,
there’s no difference between nighttime and day.
To get out means digging your way,
Or do nothing, and there you will stay.
.
Baby.
You’re always in my thoughts,
no matter what I’m doing.
I feel you beside me sometimes…
In my wishes.
I hold tight to every single memory I have of you,
Such treasures.
I looked through our photo box yesterday.
Your face smiled up at me the whole time,
until I couldn’t bear it anymore…
I had to put the lid back on.
You.
I remember every freckle on your body
Your body that was so like mine.
I’m so sorry Bryer.
I still cry every day.
I cry for the life you lost.
I cry because I miss you – more than words can express.
I cry for you.
I have to believe I will see you again.
But, until that day comes,
you’ll always be in my thoughts, Baby.
No matter what I’m doing.
.
Change’s all around.
Life is upside down.
Better.
Worse.
Different.
Constant.
.
Insecurity rears it’s ugly head,
taunting me with doubt…
The thinking sends me backwards,
my trust turns inside out.
Past loves echo through my head,
I’ve been fooled and hurt before.
I need you to reassure me.
Reassure me, just once more…
Over the hills and far away,
roaming thoughts dance ballet.
A moment spent with simple pleasures…
A smoky room
and chocolate treasures.
.
…I smile at him,
this hard man of mine,
and a light starts to glow in his eyes…
For what lies between us,
fulfilling and deep,
is love…
The most ultimate prize.
.
I’ll never get over the day that you left.
A split second in time, caused a life long bereft…
Grief became my companion,
for the rest of my days.
Pain is my shadow,
walking with me,
always.
.
It’s time we have a little chat,
about a rule of mine…
I want a man who’s not a rat,
knows where to draw the line.
I’ve grown strong, I know my worth,
and I’ll stand proudly by your side…
But I tell you there’s no way on Earth,
I’ll keep a man who lied.
If other women grace your bed,
I have the right to know.
No garden path will I be led,
where love and trust don’t grow.
So tell me now, if you I share,
so I can fairly choose…
I won’t accept a sneak affair,
I promise, me, you’ll lose.
Being honest is the only cost,
to make sure I don’t leave.
For what we have will all be lost,
if tangled webs you weave.
.
Something’s wrong,
I sense your guilt.
It’s weakening
the strength we’ve built.
You’ve got my love,
you’ve got my heart,
don’t think to fool me,
I’m fairly smart.
Give me truth,
don’t tell a lie…
I’ll have no choice
except goodbye.
.
The vibe is clear.
Suddenly you’re insincere
I’m sensing an unfriendly air.
I find it hard to persevere,
I feel no longer wanted there.
I’ll pay the dues to make things square,
then quietly I’ll disappear.
.
He blew my nose
and made me cry,
the pain, sharply exquisite.
The day surrendered
to the night,
unmindful of his visit.
Minutes raced and hours flew,
while time was standing still,
we laughed and talked,
and circle walked,
and lined another thrill.
.
It’s an insecure evening,
why aren’t you answering your phone?
My imagination’s wild,
it’s got a mind all of its own.
Yesterday was warm with love,
tonight I’m frozen out.
Every time we get too close,
you fuel my self doubt.
It’s an insecure evening,
I need to know that you still care…
Just acknowledge that I called you,
cos your silence is unfair.
.
I can count on your service
when I find myself stranded.
I can rely on your help
when I’m caught out short-handed.
You’re the first one in armour,
proud to fight my defence.
When it comes to my honour,
you will spare no expense.
I’m blessed you’re around,
to guide and advise.
I’m lucky I’m loved
by a person so wise.
.
I’m living life
with half a heart.
Death broke my soul,
I’m torn apart…
My precious girl –
light in my eye,
forever lost,
one cold July.
I’m stuck in Hell,
yet still I breathe…
Condemned to wake each day
and grieve.
.
We sit here together
our bodies well fed.
No words being spoken,
nil needs to be said.
The silence is peaceful,
there’s a calm in the air,
I’m content to be with you,
I like the time that we share.
.
Chopped liver isn’t happy,
chopped liver isn’t thrilled…
It was meant to be a good time,
enjoyment unfulfilled.
Conversation wasn’t given,
no offer of a beer…
You offered me your company,
but you were clearly insincere.
.
Tired body,
weary soul.
A helping hand
from the old glass bowl…
Forgotten tears.
Rekindled gleam.
Living life,
in a pipe dream.
.
Wasted Times. 
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